“So, how does that sound?” Mountain asked, reading to me a sentence that she had wrote five times over for our report.
“Great,” I said.
She looked over at me, “You said that the other times too….”
“Well, they were all great. Honestly.”
She peeked over at me, “Well… I think I’ll go with this one. You know what the say. Fifth times the charm.”
I grinned at her, “So, we’re done?”
She glanced at the computer, “Yup, I think so. For tonight, at least. We still have to write another page.”
“We?” I asked, my tone playful.
“Fine. Me.” she replied, rolling her eyes. It wasn’t that I hadn’t tried to help – I did. It was simply she didn’t want any of it.
“Can I borrow your phone?” I asked, patting my pockets.
Some say, that we’ll never make it.
She didn’t even turn to look at me, “We had a deal Dew, remember?”
I did remember. No pick up lines on my part, and she wouldn’t rat me out to the teacher for doing close to nothing on the project. “Fine,” I replied, standing up, “Guess I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Yup. Bye, Dew.”
I know one day, we can overtake it .
I was almost out the door when she called out, “Hey any chance you know the date? I’m really bad at keeping up with time.”
I thought for a moment, “Yeah um… March 17th.”
She seemed to stiffen, although I wasn’t sure why. It was as if my words were like nails being dug into her skin, “Thanks…” She turned back to the computer, and I heard a soft sob escape her throat. Quietly, I closed the door, knowing that our friendship was only a delicate string, and any wrong move would be the scissor that ended it.
And we’ll say, we don’t have to worry.
~~~~~~~~~~
The next morning, I heard crying in the hallway.
I heard someone’s tears falling.
I heard someone gasping for air.
I heard someone let out a sob that shook their soul.
I heard someone who’s heart had been broken into pieces and had yet to heal.
I walked outside my door, and I saw an angel weeping by the elevator.
“Um, Mountain?”
“What?” she spat, turning her face away, her palms rubbing across her cheeks.
“You ok?”
“What the berry does it look like?” she snapped. Then she sighed, “Just leave me alone, Dew. I’m not in the mood right now.”
I continued to stand there, “Do you want to talk about it?”
She sniffled, “No.”
“It’ll help if you do,” I whispered.
“And how the berry do you know that?”
“Because… People always say it’s better to let things off your chest.”
She didn’t reply, instead, she buried her face in her hands and dug her head into my shoulder.
Her sobs shook her entire body, and I wrapped my arms around her delicate shoulders. She shuddered under my touch, but for once, she didn’t try to pull away. I patted her back, and lightly pressed my lips onto her temple, her skin free of the usual make-up taste.
Her sobs slowly went from a wail to mere hiccups, and then she pulled away from me, wiping on the corners of her eyes. I noticed my shirt was stained with her tears, and something in me was dying to know why something – someone – so utterly perfect could be so down hearted.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I whispered again.
She glanced away, “It’s been one year today.”
“Oh,” I replied, my mind dying of curiosity, but refusing to push beyond what little bound of trust she had given me.
She rested her head in her palms, “I’m a fool for crying like that. I’m sorry.”
I touched her shoulder, and she cringed away, “It’s fine.”
She glanced down the hall way, her eyes focusing on plants, “There’s a reason I’ve always hated you, Dew. It’s because you reminded me so much of my ex-boyfriend it was painful.”
“Ex?”
“Yeah… He was just like you. Had more self-confidence then he knew what to do with. I always had this crush on him though. I thought maybe I could be the girl who changed him… But that’s not the way it works, is it? No. He pretended to like me, simply to get closer to my sister – she was the prettier of the two of us.”
I smiled softly, and I reached out, cupping her chin in my hand, “Honey, you have a face carved by angels. There is no way she’s prettier.”
She tried to pull out of my grip, “Dew, I said I wasn’t in the mood.”
I interrupted her, “I’m not kidding, Mountain. I hit on a lot of girls – I won’t deny it. But out of all of them, you’re the only one I the I can’t ever seem to get out of my mind.”
Her eyes were drawn into mine, and I saw a type of vulernibility there that made me want to hold her in my arms and never let go. She gulped, “Don’t you dare mess with me, Dew.”
She ripped herself out of my gaze and hands and walked away. I reached out and grabbed her arm, and turned her back around, planting one on her lips.
In return, she slapped my cheek.
I’m pretty sure I looked dumb-struck. It was amazing how quickly her sadness could transform into anger.
She walked away then, leaving me rubbing my cheek, wondering how in the world I was supposed to woo this girl if she didn’t let me try.
~~~~~~~~~~
I laid down on the floor, and threw my hand over my face. I heard my phone buzz, and I knew it was Klee.
Call me, they did not tell me that you love me.
I reached over and grabbed it, “Hello?”
“WHAT THE BERRY DID YOU MEAN BY THAT TEXT?” She hollered.
“Um… I just don’t think we should hang out anymore. You know, just friends.”
“It’s because of that Mountain girl, isn’t it?” She asked, her voice dangerously low.
I didn’t see the need to lie, “Yeah… It is.”
“She’s never going to go out with you, you know,” she said, her voice filled with obvious hurt.
“Well, as long as you’re around, she’ll never think about giving me a chance.”
She didn’t respond for a moment, then she whispered, “Don’t leave me, Dew…”
“Sorry, babe. But we’ve got to move on…”
I heard her tears, and I whispered, “Bye, Klee.”
Crying cause you’re feeling so darn lonely.
I threw my phone back on my bed, and threw myself back on the floor. Why must love be so confusing?
~~~~~~~~~~
I walked right up to her door. It was best to tackle things head on, so that was exactly what I was going to do. I was going to turn on the charm until it was impossible for her to even think about denying me.
Waiting for the day when we can hold on so tight, and I’ll tell you something.
I tapped on her door, and she opened it, her face showing the surprise she was feeling on seeing me.
“Can I come in?” I asked, a grin on my face.
She looked unsure, and distaste was in her features, “Uh, sure.”
There might be oceans between us…
“Hey um… I was wondering, if maybe you wanted to go on a date?”
She put a hand on her hip, “Dew…”
I pulled out the flowers “Oh, and I got these for you.”
In my heart, in my mind, we’re gonna show ‘em what we’re made of.
She did it – she smiled. She tried to hide it, but I could see that in all the thoughts she had of me, flowers hadn’t made the list.
Then again, what girl could resist a man in a tux with flowers at their doorstep?
She took them and dug her nose into them, “They smell beautiful.”
I smiled, “Nothing knows true beauty until they’ve rested their eyes on you.”
Perhaps it was the fact that it was seven in the morning. Perhaps it was the tux and smile combo. Perhaps it was the flowers. Or, perhaps it was the fact that I came to her door instead of bumping into her.
Either way, I got the answer that I was looking for.
“In that case… I guess we can. But it’s not a date. We’re just hanging out – like what friends do.”
I smiled, “Come over to my place at nine?”
Her expression was instantly guarded, and I back tracked, “I won’t try anything. Promise.”
And if forever is not enough, would you go down with me?
She relaxed a little bit then went to close the door, “You’ll only get one chance, Dew.”
Into the bottom of the sea?
~~~~~~~~~~
I glanced in the mirror, wiping my palms on my side. Great, sweaty palms. That sure does make a great first impression. I glanced down at the clock – it was only seven. I stood there, wondering how it was the day could manage to slip by so slowly. The minutes seemed to drag on, as if they treasured the idea of making me wait for something I had to fight to have.
I sat down in front of the computer, attempting to distract myself. Heck this wasn’t even an official date! It was just a ‘get together – like what friends do’ (from Mountain herself.) I had just gotten into the game I was playing when the doorbell rang.
“Come on, really?” I asked, frustrated with how things never seemed to work out correctly when it came to timing.
I walked to the door, and stood in front of it for a moment, breathing in and out, wondering what it was about Mountain that made me so nervous.
Because honestly, I felt like my stomach was about to burst with butterflies.
Not what I’d call the most enjoyable feeling in the world…
I opened the door, a grin spreading across my face as the excitement of seeing Mountain filled my mind.
My smile faltered though as I realized it wasn’t Mountain behind the door, but rather someone whose memory I had been pushing to the depths of my clouded mind.
Sometimes, it’s the best of memories that I find, make me feel the worse.
“What do you want?” I snapped, my voice venomous, distaste filling every syllable of the word ‘you’.
And we can rewind, trapped inside the past.
She cringed, “Can we talk?”
It was then I noticed the little boy clutching onto her leg for support as he stood up on wobbly legs.
“Who’s this?” I snorted.
She gulped, “Your son.”
I’ll admit it, for a moment, my stomach dropped. I believed her, but I knew her to be a liar.
“Oh, you think this is funny?” I asked. “You think it’s funny to dump me on the night I was going to propose, telling me you killed my child, then show up here a couple years later with a kid? And you expect me to believe it’s mine?”
“He is, Dew.”
“No he isn’t,” I spat.
“He looks just like you, Dew. You’re the only boy I’ve ever been with…” Then she whispered, her voice barely audible, “The only one I’ve ever wanted to be with.”
“You’re a sick girl, you know that Pawn? Do you take joy in my pain?” I sighed, “Haven’t you hurt me enough?”
“I’m not trying to hurt you,” she murmured, “I just thought you deserved the right to know.”
I sighed, “Fine. Come in. Say what you have to say. Then leave.”
She glanced up at me timidly, “Thank you.”
She walked past me, and the scent of her tickled my nose. I shook my head. I couldn’t – wouldn’t – allow myself to think of her that way. Not again. Not when I had utter perfection at the tips of my fingers.
When all I want is to hold you and hear you tell me.
“So.” I said, my voice not a question, not a statement… Just a voice.
“I don’t know where to start,” she breathed, placing Mouse on the floor, putting a kiss on his head that was filled with locks of my mother’s hair.
“How about you start at the moment when you realized you wanted to rip my heart out?”
Tears formed in her eyes, “I never meant to hurt you, Dew.”
“Really? I find that hard to believe.”
“I promise… I thought I was doing the best thing… I never meant to hurt you.”
“Yeah well. I never meant to fall in love with you. Things don’t go as planned, now do they?”
She sighed, “Just… Let me explain.”
I glared into the corner, “Fine. Go.”
She took a deep breath, “When we first started going out Dew, I literally felt as if all my dreams were coming true. I had the perfect family, perfect grades, and a perfect boyfriend. Everything in my life plan was falling into place. I was in love with the mere idea of being in love with you. But more then that, I did love you. I loved you so much. I tried to show you in every way I could. I wanted you to be tied to me in every way possible, so no other girl could wiggle her way between us.”
“I was scared Dew. I was so scared when I found out I was pregnant. I had never meant for that to happen. Honestly, I was elated to know we were starting a family – it was your child, how could I not? But… I saw how hard you were working. I saw the hours you sacrificed for your future. You loved your sports so much. I could see it in your eyes when you talked about playing for a league. I didn’t want to burden you with a child.”
She sighed, “I didn’t want to burden you with a family when you dreams were within your reach. Everything was within your reach… I didn’t want to be the monster to take them all away. So, I lied to you. I told you I didn’t love you, that I killed our child, that I never wanted you. It was all lies though. I’ve never been through so much pain as watching your heart break right before my eyes.”
“I thought I could hide it for nine months, but I couldn’t. Watching you with other girls hurt so much, and my stomach was growing. So, I convinced my family to move in with my grandmother. They weren’t happy with me when they found out my real reasons, but, they didn’t kick me out either. They were so supportive of me through it all.”
She picked up her – our – child, “But I felt guilty. Having Mouse all to myself didn’t seem right. He deserved to know his father, and you deserve to know him. I don’t expect you to run into my arms saying you’ve always loved me, but I am hoping that for Mouse’s sake, you’ll be there – you’ll be the man I always dreamed you to be.”
There might be oceans between us, in my heart, in my mind we’re gonna show em what we’re made of.
She stood there, holding Mouse, who had a smile on his tiny face. Instinctivly, I reached out to him, and his little fingers grasped onto mine.
I held him, smelling his baby smell that should’ve long since faded. It was true – he was my son. There was just this bond that clicked between us. He rested his head on my shoulder, and his soft wisp of hair brushed across my chin.
But, the fear inside of me made me let go of him and hand him back to Pawn.
She took him in her arms, then whispered, “I’ll go now… I’ll be in town for a few days. Please, just try to get to know him.”
And if forever is not enough, would you go down with me?
I shook my head numbly, not sure how to react in this type of situation.
Minutes passed quickly now. My mind was filled with nothing but emptiness. I didn’t know what to think, and I was scared to try.
Into the bottom of the sea.
My thoughts were interrupted once more by a knock on the door, and I went to answer it, this time to be greeted by Mountain.
She looked at me, her smile slowly turning into worry. “Are you ok, Dew? You look like you’ve just saw a ghost.”
I tried to speak, but no words came out.
“Why don’t we lay you down?” She asked, taking my hand and leading me to the bed.
She directed me to lay down, forcing my body to sit and bend. I put my head on the pillow, and gripped onto it, holding it like I had when I was a child.
She spoke then, almost to herself, “No pick up line? What happened to you…”
She sat down next to me, and smoothed my hair back. It was then I noticed how beautiful she looked. “You look nice,” I whispered.
She smiled, “There we go. That’s the Dew I know. You had me worried for a moment there.”
I shook my head with hers, and I felt my entire body tremble. I held her hand in mine, and stared into her eyes, trying to tell her everything without speaking a word.
Finally, she smiled and stood up. She kissed me on the forehead, and I watched her go, resisting the urge to call her back.
When she got to the door, she turned, “What do you know? I guess you get a second chance after all.”
I smiled, knowing I hadn’t totally blown it.
But then, with only the quiet as company, my thoughts came back to haunt me. One word was forever seared into my mind.
Father.
~~~~~~~~~~
The next day, I sat down on a couch, wondering what to do next.
So many things were going through my mind.
Wishes.
Dreams.
Futures…
They say the greatest thing a person can do in this world is to love and in return be loved. They never mention though, that you can love someone who said they didn’t love you back, even though they did, so you, the heartbroken guy, moved on, even though that person really did love you, and even though you loved them, you found someone else to love, who loved you just as much as you did, and didn’t lie about it like the first person did, leaving you totally and utterly perplexed on who your heart actually loved.
My life was like a compass now.
My heart was the needle.
The only thing I needed to figure out is which way it was pointing.
-Lyrics by The Downtown Fiction; “Oceans Between Us”-
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